Disclaimer

Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

*embracing the oddness*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.

Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with.  




Original Image


My list of requests is getting harder and harder to work with, and some of the suggestions are really quite disturbing. I had a quick search on Google images for today's subject, and almost the first picture I saw was the one above. Now, I might have said that some of the suggestions were a bit disturbing, but I have to admit, that might be because my brain thinks a bunch of stuff is odd. 

Anyway,  as soon as I saw this, it reminded me of my old deep fat fryer. And seeing as it is actually a chemical toilet, my immediate reaction was 'ewww'.

I hope that 'link' disturbs you as much as it did me. And on that note, I'll leave you to your odd imaginings...


*runs*

Saturday, 15 October 2011

*is introducing a friend*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.

Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with.  



Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. My name's Eric Spartan, and I have an unusual job. I hunt zombies. That's right, you didn't misread - I hunt zombies for a living. You might think that having no body might hinder me in this occupation, but you'd be wrong. In fact, not having a body sort of gives me a head start, as it were, for those undead peeps out there don't expect to be battered by the Blue Haired One.


It all started in my old job. I used to work in a place called Spar, and I loved it so much that I even changed my name in honor of it. And, well, you have to admit, Eric Spartan has a nice ring to it, much better than Eric Schmeric.


Anyway, the Spar was a great place to work, with lots of lovely guys and gals to spend my day with. I was based in the kitchen with Princess - Spar's very own Baker Boy - and we had a good giggle most days. The rest of the staff were pretty cool too, but Princess was my main man, youknoworrimean?


One day, as I was helping with the baguettes (it's amazing how technically difficult it is making a prawn salad baguette, you know), we heard screaming. Princess dropped his knife faster than a pro dropping her pants, and I fairly squeaked with terror, but we gathered our wits (and a couple of chicken skewers) and ventured onto the shop floor. Imagine our surprise when we were faced with...


Duh, duh, DUHHHHHHHH!!!!!



Zombies. Lots and lots of zombies. They were everywhere, even in the back-up fridge (though Lord knows how they managed to close the door behind them, it's dodgy at the best of times). Anyway, we could see some of the girls battling bravely against this undead army, but they were outnumbered. Me and Princess had to do something, obviously, and we had to do it fast, or our family of Spartans would be zombified quicker than those pro's pants falling down.


Princess, being the ingenious Baker Boy that he is, jumped over the coffee machine back into the kitchen, and grabbed himself some orange waste bags, and a roll each of 'veg' and 'meat' stickers. Now, I have to admit, I thought he might have lost the plot at this point, but Princess is a man of many ideas and surprised us all.


First, he rounded up the Spartans and covered them all in sticky labels, declaring them as 'veg'. I was still a bit lost, especially when his next move saw him labelling the zombies as 'meat'.


"Stands to reason, dunnit?" said Princess, rolling his eyes. "I mean, have you ever heard of a vegetarian zombie?"


To be fair, I hadn't, so I left him to his ministrations.


"We go after them in pairs, alright?" ordered Princess. "Two veg for every meat."


*coughs*

It seems the plan was to make up a threesome, with the Spartan Veggies going after the Zombie Meaties from two sides, squashing the undead, and then encasing them in an orange bag. I helped by bouncing around the zombies and hitting their heads, knocking them out cold for easier bagging. After tying the bags securely with the empty strips of veg and meat labels, we piled them up outside ready for the council men to pick them up at the end of the day. Sorted.

It was a struggle, and we had to abandon all thoughts of upselling for that day as we just didn't have the time, but we did it. We pulled through, and the Spartans saved the day. Well, we saved Spar at any rate. Unfortunately, there are still zombies out there, infiltrating the world at large. I decided to take up Zombie Hunting full time after that. Princess helps out from time to time, and the Spartans keep me supplied with orange bags and rolls of sticky labels, so it's still a team effort.

So keep an eye out for me, will you, and if you happen to see a blue haired balloon bouncing around in your vicinity, don't burst it, just cheer it on its way. I'm just trying to save the world, that's all.

Because my name is Eric Spartan, and I'm a zombie hunter.


If you want to know Eric, find him on Facebook. Seriously, he's there. Friend him and give him your support. Help Eric save us from the zombies!



Friday, 14 October 2011

*is ducking about*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.

Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with.  


Elvis Duck






Mr and Mrs Duck








Christmas Ducks






Punky Duck




Scary Ducks




Sexy Duck




What the duck???




For original images, please see link under each picture.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

*thinks customers are a pain up the butt*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.

Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with.  

Original Image


So I'm going with Jan's "Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with" suggestion today, because I am just home from work, and it occurred to me that one of the most irritating things about working in retail is the 'customer is always right' policy. Maybe it's not strictly a belief or a myth, but it's widely known, and I definitely want to take umbrage with it. *nods*

OK, I know it's basically just a case of being polite most of the time, and it's always in your best interests to keep your customers happy, but agreeing with everything they say and do (while keeping a smile on your face) is bloody difficult, even on a good day. 

Like the person who wants to know why something is dearer than that other shop down the road, and demanding that we should price match. Or the person who expects you to smile and be nice to them, but who looks down their nose at you and doesn't even bother to say 'thank-you'.

Itdoezmyheadin!!!

Who came up with that, anyway? Some bigwig who obviously never dealt with the public on a daily basis, that's my guess. 

I've worked in retail since leaving school at 16, and even with the couple of years I had off to have my kids, I still have over 16 years of experience with dealing with the public. And I can tell you, they're a nasty bunch. You do get a decent amount of nice people, but on any given day, you are bound to run into a gremlin or two. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if these people have anything better to do other than wind up the people who are giving them a service. There is just no need to take out your grumpiness on the poor people who, at the end of the day, are just earning their (often meagre) living.

Retail, on the whole, is a generally mundane and thankless way to earn your crust. It's usually the same routine day in, day out, and when you add rude customers to the mix, it can really get you down. Especially when the really snooty ones come out with 'Well, the customer is always right'.

Well, let me tell you, Mr Grumpy Customer, the customer is NOT always right. In fact, the customer is often so wrong that they need their heads read. I am not here to pander to your every whim, and I am not here to take crap off you. I will serve you with a smile, and I will help you if I can, but the next time you give me grief, watch your back, because you may think you're right, but I know you're nothing but a grumpy old so-and-so who needs to have a bucket of slime dumped over your head. And one of these days, I will lose my cool and, in the absence of slime ammunition, will at the very least give you a blistering set down so humiliating, that you won't be able to come back ever again without feeling mortified.

So there. *nods*

 


Wednesday, 12 October 2011

*is not dreaming*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.

Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 


Original Image



So Maria asked me to blog about a crazy dream or nightmare - or one that I don't mind sharing, at any rate. The problem is, I honestly don't think that I have crazy dreams. Or if I do, I just don't remember them. I think it's possible that the crazies don't visit me in the night because they're with me so often in daylight hours...

Anywho, I do remember some of my dreams, and I suppose that they are a bit odd, but not in the way that you might think. I have those stupid dreams that don't actually feel like a dream. You know, the ones where you are doing silly, mundane things like the weekly shop, or cooking a Sunday roast.

Seriously, these dreams are as un-dreamlike as they could possibly be. I remember one time going to the bathroom, having a wee (sorry if that's too much info *snort*), stripping off for a bath, and reading a book. I was just getting to a good part (it was a re-reading of a favourite), and my flipping alarm clock went off. I was not impressed. One, because I hate waking up anyway, and two, I was really enjoying my read, and the book in question was one that I didn't actually own, so I couldn't resume the story. Grr.

Anywho, that's about as crazy as my dreams get. Like I said, I think my daytime loony-ness forces my brain into getting as much normal-ness as it can while it has a chance. As soon as my eyes open, the craziness resumes....

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

*is slightly slugged*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.

Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 




Original Image



Of all the weird requests above, I bet most of you would have thought that 'slugs' was one of the strangest. But 'slugs' is actually one of the the few requests that I 'get'. You see, Leanne (who suggested slugs), is a fellow Harry Potter fan, and I suspect she only managed to get slugs mentioned because Mari (another fellow HP fan) hadn't seen my post yet.

For those of you unschooled in Potterverse, most Harry Potter fans will tell you that slugs are mentioned a lot during the story. In fact, they are mentioned so often that several theorists began to wonder just how significant they might be to the central plot. Discussions were made, ideas were bandied about, and great fun was had speculating on how important these slugs could turn out to be.

Of course, it could have been that JK Rowling was merely fond of slugs and liked to mention them a lot. But a pure Potter fan will know that Jo rarely mentioned something several times unless it was some kind of foreshadowing.

There was never really any outcome on all of the slug speculation, but I think that all the slugs were leading to the arrival of a certain Professor Slughorn, who, while not a hugely important character, or one who physically did a great deal for the cause, was pretty crucial in bringing to light some vital clues to aid the good guys.

I'm not going to get into detail, because there could be - shock horror! - some people who don't know the books, but suffice to say that Sluggy did good. *nods*

And that's why slugs was suggested.

Or, at least, I think it is. Maybe Leanne just likes slugs... or likes that Mari likes slugs. :P

Monday, 10 October 2011

*is slightly worried about the way some people think*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.

Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 




 
Original Image

"Dung beetles are beetles that feed partly or exclusively on feces. " - Wikipedia.

And honestly, there's not an awful lot I can add to that. Some people gave me some seriously strange topics to blog about... *scratches head*

No,. Nope. Nothing I want to add to that at all. Eww.

Sunday, 9 October 2011

* is pi-ed off*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 


Original Image



So I'm killing two birds with one stone today, and using two of the above requests. And it makes perfect sense too, because I am going to be talking about 'the origin of pi', and that is definitely something I don't want to think about, let alone write about.

To me, pi is something you eat. I know it doesn't have an 'e' on the end, but that doesn't matter. As far as I am concerned, pi is something you either pour gravy over, or squirt with fresh cream (depending whether you have the savoury or sweet option).

OK, I know that pi is also that funny little house-like symbol that is used in maths, and I also know that it has something to do with circles, and the numbers 3.14, but unless I go to wiki (which I don't intend to do, as I have a severe aversion to anything mathematical), that's about all I can tell you.

As to the origin of pi, I really don't think that I actually care. I suspect that it was in ancient Greece or something, or maybe it had something to do with Pythagoras... if indeed Pythagoras was a person. I think he was, because his theory is famous, right? Something to do with triangles? Trigonometry?

*shudders*

I actually have nightmares about mathematical terms. Or, at least, I used to. I had possibly the scariest maths teacher in the world (we called her The Nazi Showgirl - very scary, prone to marching rather than walking, and susceptible to showing too much boob when her buttons popped open [which they frequently did]), and I honestly think I would have passed my maths G.C.S.E. if somebody else had taught me. The only thing she gave me was a morbid fear of equations and fractions. *shudders again*

So yeah, I don't know the origin of pi, I don't want to know the origin of pi, and I definitely don't want to think about it.

Or write about it (any more). Thus endeth today's ramble.


PS - Yay! As I searched for a pi picture, I discovered that the 3.14 thingy was actually right! Go me!! And take that *sticks up middle finger* Mrs Nazi Showgirl! *blows raspberry*

Saturday, 8 October 2011

*is in chocolate heaven*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.

The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 


Original Image



So we all know that chocolate is bad for us, right? At least, it's bad for your body at any rate. They say (who the heck are the 'they' when people say 'they say' anyway??) that a little of everything in moderation is fine, but there are only a select few who can stop at only a little bit of chocolate. I have more of a savoury tooth than a sweet one, but stick a bar of Dairy Milk in front of me and I can't help but mentally drool.

The thing is, chocolate is just a little bit sinful, isn't it? You know it's naughty to indulge, but you just can't help yourself. In fact, of all the sinful things there are in the world, eating chocolate is nothing at all, so you can still have your sweetness fix without feeling too guilty.

Of course, there's the dreaded extra poundage that it will add to your hips (did you know that it's scientifically proven to go straight to your hips? OK, not really, but it sure seems that way...), it doesn't change the fact that eating chocolate is one of the most innocent pleasures you can indulge in.

So to answer the question of whether it's bad or good, it's both. But it's kind of the badness that makes it feel so good. *nods*

I'm off now. There's a a bag of raspberry ruffles calling me...

Original Image

Friday, 7 October 2011

*coughs*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 




Original Image





Original Image   





Original Image





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Why do I have pictures of cute and fluffy animals on my blog today? Well, they are all calenders, and the models are all naked. So, we have 'Nude Calenders'. *nods*

*shifty*

Thursday, 6 October 2011

*is loving the sauciness*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 


So every time I look at my list of requests, I squirm a little bit, and so far I haven't known what I was going to blog about until I opened the window. Today is no different, but seeing as me and the hubby have just finished a marathon Gavin & Stacy watchathon, I figured saucy seaside postcards was a good bet. For those of you unfamiliar with Gavin & Stacy, it's a British sitcom partly based in Barry, or Barry Island to be exact. Barry Island is about half an hour away from the Kair of Diff (er, Cardiff), and isn't actually an island at all, but it does have a beach. It used to have a funfair, but sadly that closed a few years ago.

Anyway, Barry Island is a typically quaint British seaside destination to visit, and saucy seaside postcards are also typically British, so they sort of go together. I don't have much to say about the saucy postcards themselves, except that I've always loved them, and that I have several magnets displayed proudly on my fridge (right next to my Aragorn magnet *shifty*). I figured I'd make use of Google images and select a few samples for you...

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Original Image (this is one of my magents actually!)


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Ah, I loves me some saucy postcards...

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

*is explaining the nonion phenomenon*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 



Original Image




Ok, so I figured it was about time I explained about the nonions. I'm not exactly sure how it all started, except that it was me, my friend and our spouses. Oh, and wine and beer were involved too. Plus a game of Trivial Pursuit.

A few weeks ago we arranged a Trivial Pursuit night at my place. To be fair, this happens quite often, as my friend and her hubby only live across the road, and we all prefer a night in rather than a night out. Usually though, me and the hubby go across the road. I could go into detail about our Trivia nights - like the time we mixed questions from Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and ordinary Trivial Pursuit (man, that was tricky). Or I could tell you how I somehow manage to get the 'easy' questions wrong, but magically get the harder ones right. We have a laugh and a giggle, and the added alcohol brings some extra imagination to the answers (and, indeed, the questions *shifty*).

Anywho, the night in question, we decided to put a few nibbles out so that we could munch while we racked out brains for those elusive answers. My friend brought the tortillas, while me and the hubby supplied the nuts and crisps. Said crisps were onion rings, cheese balls and bacon strips. At some point during the start of the evening, someone asked for an onion ring, only being Taffies, it sounded like 'nonion ring'. We all took the mick, and ever since, onion rings have been nonion rings.

But it doesn't stop there, oh dear me no! Now we substitute an 'n' to start off any word we feel might be improved by it. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, and depending on the level of alcohol in your bloodstream. it has varying levels of hilarity.

For example, my friend, who happens to work in the shop next door to mine, often comes in for a hot coffee or three. Several days after the initial Nonion Event, she came in for her coffees, and as I served her, she asked me if we had any nonion rings.

Now, I work in a Spar shop, and we do indeed sell 'nonion' rings. So I replied, "Yeah! They're next to the nacon nips!"  Er, bacon strips, that is. Anyway, while this was very funny to me and my friend (those of you who are pulling that funny face right now -you know, the one where one eyebrow raises and the mouth droops on one side a little bit - shame on you, you obviously don't understand Taffy humour now, do you?), what was even funnier is that the bloke waiting in line to be served next 'got' it right away. He even started to ennify (I love inventing words). It was awesome. Or, indeed, nawesome.

Anyway, that be the nonions, and how we do it in Taffland. *nods*

Oh and yes, despite the title of today's post, I guess it's not really a phenomenon, but I couldn't resist all those n sounds...

*shifty*

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

*is not doing THAT*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 



Original Image


Oh. My. Lordy. I don't even know where to begin on this one...

Anywho, air sex. How about that? Who'd have thunk it? In fact, who would want to think it?? I mean seriously, air sex?  Why on earth would anyone wish to do that?

Air guitaring I get. Well, sort of anyway. Guitaring is a solo activity, yes? I mean yes, you can do it with a partner, or even in a group (still talking air guitaring here, guys), but essentially it is something you are meant to do by yourself. Therefore, air guitaring kind of makes sense. Hey, I even have a crack at air guitaring myself after a vodka or three.

But air sex? Seriously? Ok, so I'm in danger of turning into a cast member from Grey's Anatomy here with all the 'seriouslys', but honestly.... seriously??

Sex is a duo sport, people. Yes, I know every man (and woman) and his dog (but hopefully not with the dog) has done the solo misattribuition thingy, but that's not technically sex, right? Sex is the shortened form of sexual intercourse, so how on earth can you simulate it on stage, fully dressed, with an invisible partner? Not to mention in time with the background music.

It's just wrong on so many levels! If you enjoy the sport that much, grab a partner and sneak behind the stage, that's my advice. *nods* While the competitors are 'performing' the Solo Sex Samba, you and your chosen one can do the Couple Conga. Youknowzitmakezsense!

And that's all I have to say about that. *nods*

Monday, 3 October 2011

*has wealth of knowledge on bicarb*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 

Original Image



I sold a tub of bicarbonate of soda today at work. Which is odd because it's not something that sells a great deal, but happens to be on my list of things to blog about this month.

The customer actually asked me for baking soda. I told her we had bicarbonate of soda, and baking powder, but not something called baking soda. Then she asked me what it was. Whether she meant bicarb of soda, baking powder, or baking soda, I have no idea, but as I don't really know what any of them are, I said I wasn't sure. *shifty* I then added that baking powder usually goes into cakes (possibly? I actually don't really know as I don't bake), and that my mother used to put bicarb in the pot when she was cooking fresh cauliflower. Stopped the white bit going yellow, or something.

Anywho...

Then I read the bicarb blurb, and it said you could have one part bicarb to two parts of... erm... something else, and it would make baking powder, so figured that bicarb was her best bet. I showed the customer and gave myself a mental pat on the back for being helpful.

Then she told me that she didn't want to use it for cooking anyway, she'd just read that baking soda was good for cleaning a smelly fridge.

*coughs*

I sold her the bicarb in the end because I knew that it can indeed be used to make a fridge sweet-smelling again. How I knew this, I do not know, but know it I did. I mentally punched the air afterwards as I now had something to ramble about for one of my October requests. *grins shiftily* Alas, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to sell or come across any of the other suggested topics over the next few weeks...

Sunday, 2 October 2011

*is severely lacking*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.
Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. 


You know, I thought it would be easier - or less constricting - if I had the option to pick one of the above subjects rather than work through the list in order, but that's really not the case. I keep reading through the topics, hoping that one of them will inspire something - anything - for me to write about. It's just not happening.


So as I am severely lacking in 'light bulb' moments, I guess I'll have to pick 'light bulbs' as my topic for today.

Now you all know what a light bulb moment is, right? Let me find a picture...

Original image




There, you should know what I mean now.

Anywho, today I am severely lacking in 'light bulb moments' (which I've already said, I know), and as this is something that happens fairly often, I have a sort of strategy for dealing with the problem. Usually I try and find something else to do (something that makes sense for a procrastinator, yes?), and while this often involves something that has nothing whatsoever to do with writing, occasionally I do find myself biting the bullet and plodding along with a different story/blog post etc etc.

Or sometimes I cheat. *shifty*

What I really wanted to blog about today, for example, was how people who don't look after animals shouldn't be allowed to have them. But try as I might, I can't even loosely link that subject to anything from the above list. So I shall have to keep the rage that is currently making my blood boil on a simmer, and remember to post about it another time.

That still doesn't help with today's post though. I've racked my brains, and apart from the many different types of light bulbs that are out there, unless you are a light bulb fanatic, I don't see how it can be of interest to anyone. So I took the 'cheating' route and decided to go with the 'light bulb moment' interpretation.

I'm still waiting for that 'light bulb' moment though, so I guess that means today's post is doomed.

Or maybe that should be 'dimmed', not 'doomed', seeing as my Idea Light Bulb is definitely not shedding much light at the moment.

Oh well, back tomorrow, with a blog about... er... one of the above.

Saturday, 1 October 2011

*is changing the post's title*

Original Image



Lordy, October came around far too fast for my liking... but, October it is, therefore I must don my blogging skates and get cracking on this self-imposed challenge. I'll be posting the list of requests that I received at the top of every post this month so that everyone can keep track on me (and check that I'm not cheating *shifty*), plus it will be good for me to cross things off publicly. *nods*

I seem to remember saying that I would blog about these things in the order they were suggested, but as I skimmed over the list (wincing more than once, by the way), I 've decided to tackle whatever takes my fancy each and every day as we go through the month. I have a feeling that several of the harder topics will be bunched together from the 25th onwards. *coughs*

Here goes!

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.






A month full of madness begins,
I wonder what nonsense it brings?
I asked for requests
For October's blogfest
The mind boggles at some of these things.

Sexy villains and rubber ducks -
These will surely inspire some muck!
I'll be sure to include
Some calenders - nude,
And a toffee apple to suck.

I could say that air sex is hot,
That some movies have a lame plot.
And bicarb of soda?
I'd have preferred Yoda!
Yet I'm stuck with fleas and door stops.

Heaven knows how I'll get through it all,
I'm expecting to hit that Brick Wall
With the relativity of time,
And the origin of pi,
But still, I'm gonna have a ball!




Honestly, I keep reading this list, and all I can think of is... *doomed*

Edit: Oops, I'm supposed to be asterisking my titles too. *shifty*

Edit 2 (I have a feeling this month is going to be a *shifty* one through and through):  Acckkkk!

Somehow I didn't include Jan's suggestions, though I saw them AND commented on them at the time! I will have to fit them in somewhere, and so that they are on record, the suggestions were:

1. Write on something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.

2. Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with. For instance, the myth of soul-mates, or the myth of not enough food in the world to feed the hungry...

Monday, 19 September 2011

Nonions And Stuff

A quick update on how my requests are going for next month's NaBloWriMo, which I am entering (kind of)...

When I asked for requests the other day, I had a big grin on my face, because I knew you guys would pull through for me and come up with some great stuff. I wasn't wrong! So far, I have :

1 - Limericks
2 - Slugs
3 - Pub Lunches
4 - Fairy tales
5 - Crazy Dreams/Nightmares
6 - A really nasty post on Brighton or Butlins
7 - The Zombie Apocalypse

All of the above were posted in the comments on my blog page or my Facebook profile. I also have three requests from 'offline friends', which are:

8 - Nonions (Yup, onions with an 'n' - all will be explained when I post about them. *winks*)
9 - Star Wars in the style of a Taff.
10 - A Monty Python Film in the style of a Taff.

So I'm one third of the way there. Ten down, twenty to go. Don't be shy, offer up a suggestion or two. As you can see from the above, I'll have a go at anything. I prefer something that's a little bit odd (because I'm naturally nutty), but serious stuff is cool too!

So don't forget, leave a comment below, or post on my Facebook profile. And if I know you in the 'real' world, just let me know and I'll add it to the list.

Catch you later!

Image borrowed from here.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Returning With A Request




So summer was a bit busy for me, hence my absence. Technically, the busy-ness ended by the end of the first week of September, but after not blogging for so long, the procrastination thing set in as I told myself I would get back to it 'tomorrow'. Tomorrow turned out to be today, at the almost half-point of September (though I did write for my writers' blog yesterday).

Anywho, today I am officially back, and hopefully with some regularity. Next month is NaBloWriMo (National Blog Writing Month), and I would like to attempt it once again. In 2009 I didn't enter officially as I'd only just started blogging, but there was a post for almost every day. Last year I again didn't enter officially, but after asking for requests, I successfully managed to blog every day of the month.

So I'm going to do the same thing this year. I'm not going to sign up officially, but I am going to blog every day. Hopefully, anyway. But to do that I am going to need requests. Thirty, to be exact. Thirty different suggestions from you guys. Last year I asked for six people to give me five suggestions each, but as there is still two weeks or so until the challenge begins, I thought I'd ask for two suggestions per person. You can either post them here in the comments, or on the link to this post on my Facebook profile. I'll keep checking for comments in both places, and when I hit thirty suggestions, I'll let you all know. The first thirty suggestions will be dutifully recorded, and written about in the order they were given.

There are no restrictions on what you may suggest  - I'm happy to have a go at whatever you throw at me. Can't promise that each suggestion will get a thorough write-up, though. I've been known to put a twist on things and/or cheat a little bit when a subject has got me scratching my head. *shifty* I can promise that I will have a go, though. And also that I will asterisk the titles (if you don't know what I mean by that, have a look at the 'Popular Princess Posts' list on the right, there's usually an asterisked title in there somewhere).

So that's it. Throw some suggestions at me. Go on, I dare you!

Image borrowed from here.

P.S. It's good to be back!

Friday, 29 July 2011

Posting About Another Post

Accckkk! I still haven't got around to putting together a post for this blog, but I did ramble a little bit for my writer's group today over at Burrowers, Books & Balderdash, so if you fancy reading a catch up post, clicky on the linky!


Click me, you know you want to...

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Another Quick One

Hello! I've been really busy the last month or so with this and that, which is why I haven't been around. I'm sorry for not posting anything new, or getting around to everyone's blogs! I just wanted to pop by and let you know that I'm still alive, and working on a new post too. :) In the meantime, here's a picture of my nine year old, who brought home a bunch of stuff from school yesterday, including a copy of the pose she did for her 'Hollywood' school project a few months ago.

The smug look is pretty much her permanent expression, by the way...

Of COURSE I'm a star!!

See you soon!

Thursday, 16 June 2011

The Numbers Are Lying

See that little word count thingy on the right? Well, ignore that because it's lying. *nods* I haven't updated it like I should have, plus I decided to start from scratch again yesterday, so my word count went from 12,500 words back down to 0 all over again. I'm at 3,426 at the moment - not bad for two days - but I'm a long way from 50,000. Therefore I am not aiming for 50k. *nods again* I am now aiming for 30k, which works out at 2,000 words a day. We shall see how we go...

I have been a bad, bad, procrastinator this month. Well, technically I've been a good procrastinator, because I have successfully managed to avoid doing lots of stuff almost every day, but you know what I mean. I honestly think deadlines have the opposite effect on me compared to what they should. I also have too many distractions at the moment.

There's my son, who is sitting some important exams at the moment, and happens to turn 15 on the 24th. Scary stuff. Not the exams (well, they probably scare my son, but not me), but the fact that I have a 15 year old? Really, really scary.

Then there's my daughter, who has never been easy, but is slowly but surely turning into Regan from The Exorcist. Not that she's possessed, or can turn her head around three hundred and sixty degrees or anything. She's not spewing pea soup either. But she IS cursing at me more often than not. Complete with eye-rolling and copious 'whatevers' about twenty times a day. Gotta love these nine-going-on-nineteen daughters of ours, eh?

It's also that time of year when we have to renew our tax credits and what-not. Cue plenty of thirty page forms asking you lots of things the tax office needs to know, along with lots of things they don't really need to know. Oh, and don't forget to add the gazillion forms of identification when you post your form off. *rolls eyes* (Erk, wonder if daughter gets the eye-rolling from me?)

Lastly I am gearing myself up for changing from part-time to full-time at my job. I'm happy about the extra money coming in, but not so happy about working five days as opposed to two. On the other hand, I think having so much spare time on my hands has helped feed my Procrastinating Monster. I wrote more often and more prolifically when I worked full-time before, so maybe having less time on my hands will help me curb my dithering urges.

Anyway, must go. I need to procrastinate write!

Monday, 6 June 2011

A Birrov This 'n That

So I fort I'd stop by, like, and give alirrle update on wot's 'appening at the mo. I iz pluggin away at me novel for BuNoWriMo, and thow the spiffy lirrle icon on me page says five fousand and summin, I iz now just past six fousand wordz. I just avent bovvered to update it again, like, coz it'd be pointless when I still 'as sum writin to do tonight, like innit? Me suspensful yoof story iz cummin along nicely, achully, and I iz well chuffed that the idea peers to be workin.

Az well az writin for me novel, I iz also workin' on a lirrle story for me clarts and clits at Spar (the place where I works, like innit). I iz mixing me work peeps with Pirates ov the Carrybeeun, and calling the story 'Pirates ov the Sparrebeeun', coz I is mad like that. I iz 'aving a right larf writin it, too!

Also, I iz well chuffed like, coz this iz blog number seventy-nine for two fousand and leven, which is bluddy bangin coz that means I av fishally beat last yer's blog count already like, and itz only the buginnin ov June!

In ovver news, I iz also chuffed coz I lost anovver five poundage of weight, which is very good indeed, like innit? Course, I bluddy put on ten poundage since Chrismus, so I iz only loozing wot I gained, but still, itz a step in the right direcshun, innit? Youknowzitmakezsense!

And thatz abou all I av for this yer update. Nuffin much else 'appenin yer in the Kair ov Diff, cept for the unusually nice wevvar, but I iz bettin the sun will go back behind the clowds almost before I finishes this yer blog post, so itz pointless givin it more than a breef menshun.

Anywayz, thassall for today, clarts and clits, I'll stop by in a coupla dayz or so wiv a propa blog post, but until then, later peeps!


Original image borrowed from here, but tweaked a bit by moi.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Utilizing A Little-Used Label *

When in doubt, find a silly picture.

"Ve Haff Vays Off Making You Procrastinate."

* Or 'Embracing The Urge To Be Silly'.

Procrastinator's Tip: Try scrolling the image up and down the screen really quickly - you can lose hours. *nods*


Image borowed from here.

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

The Bond

The Bond? What's this? Well, it's the title of my BuNoWriMo novel, of course! A story of two friends who have an unbreakable bond, despite the circumstances that are thrust upon them. I believe it falls into YA Suspense, which is a brand new genre for me, but hey-ho, it's all fun!

But what's BuNoWriMo?

BuNoWriMo is The Burrow's (my writer's group) version of the better known NaNoWriMo - the event that takes place every November that encourages writers to produce a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. We at The Burrow are a little less picky. We still have thirty days as the time limit, but we pick June for the month of madness. And while we would love it if everyone was inspired enough to produce 50,000 words, we know that this is impossible for a lot of people. Now, we don't like people to miss out, so as far as we're concerned, any writing is good enough for us. Thus we have the general participants, and the rebel participants. *nods firmly*

Your goal may be the traditional 50k novel, it may be adding another 50k to an existing work, or it may be writing a drabble a day for thirty days (a more manageable 100 words daily rather than 1667). Your goal may be adding that final ten thousand words to the novel that you wrote over a year ago (*coughnotmeobviouslycough*). Whatever your goal is, BuNoWriMo welcomes you!

There's still time to sign up if you're interested. The event starts at midnight tonight - in whatever time zone you live in - and you can sign up on the BuNoWriMo Facebook Page. When you're all signed up (it's easy peasy, you just ask to be added, and we add you *winks*), you can get your sparkly word count meter from here, and if you fancy a shiny avatar with the BuNoWriMo slogan, then you can pick one of the ready-made icons made by Burrow graphic designer Joris.

So what are you waiting for? Get WRITING!

Monday, 30 May 2011

A Different Princess

Most people who click on my blog link expect to find a crazy post with a funny image, and that is what you will find for the most part. I make no effort to pretend that this page is anything other than what it is - an outlet for my loopiness.

My readership varies; I have family and friends from 'The Real World' who regularly stop by, then there's my online buddies who I've known for years, my blogging buddies who stumbled on my blog right at the start, and my newest followers, who found me through last month's April A-Z Challenge.

Why I am rambling? Well, I thought that a short ramble would help to ease the serious subject into the post - nobody wants to be thrust into seriousness right from the off, it can be a little disorientating, especially if you are expecting a rude limerick or a bit of Taffing.

The truth is, this blog came to be because I needed a bit of escapism, and it probably ended up being a kind of therapy too. My online persona has always been a slightly exaggerated version of me, a version that is a little bit naughty and a lot crazy. When I first started blogging in 2009, I had no idea that I suffered from episodic depression. Well, I knew that I had periods of 'The Blues', but I didn't realise that they were anything other than normal. I mean, everyone feels down now and again, don't they?

My 'Blues' started way back when I was a teen, and having these periods of blackness so often over the years kind of made me a little immune to them. They came so often that they were just something that I expected. They were a part of me, just like my hair's tendency to curl was a part of me. They were just something that I had to deal with, rather like the annoying cough that I get every winter.

It wasn't until I hit a really big wall of blackness last year that I understood that feeling like crap wasn't something I had to deal with alone. I had been suffering bouts of depression over the years without realising it. They had been coming in spurts, and they rarely lasted longer than a few days, so I had put them down to just feeling sorry for myself (I can be a bit of a Drama Queen). With hindsight, I can see that these small bursts of depression were very clear warning signs. I'd basically been sitting on a time bomb. It wasn't a question of if I would ever hit the point of a breakdown, it was when.

Obviously there are triggers, and over the years there have been many. I think my stubbornness was part of what helped me to stave off the inevitable falling to pieces that was waiting for me. I was too busy looking after my kids to be bothered with an irksome breakdown, after all. Of course, the culmination of all of the little bouts of depression eventually caught up with me, and all I needed was one last trigger to set me on the path to losing the plot.

I am still flabbergasted at the extent of my deterioration when that final trigger came. I'd read lots over the years about people who suffered depression, about how they couldn't function normally, about how they felt so bad that they didn't want to get out of bed, about how they often had suicidal thoughts. I always had sympathy for these people, but I never really 'got' it. I never truly understood how anyone could feel so low that they thought dying would be a better alternative to living.

Now I 'get' it. I am only thankful that I had children to ground me during my lowest point, because I am pretty sure that if it wasn't for them I would have contemplated suicide myself. Only the thought of leaving them motherless was enough to keep me from doing something stupid. Just as they wouldn't be around without me, I surely wouldn't be around without them.

Now this post isn't supposed to be all dark and depressing, it really isn't. After a few months of trial and error, my doctor finally found medication that helped me. It's taken over a year, and that year has been hard, no question, but I am now back to my normal self. Oh, I still have moments of darkness, true, but that is part and parcel of being me. That will never change. The difference is now I know that these periods of blues will go away. I don't have to keep plodding along and hoping for the best, or bury my negative feelings so deep that they fester inside of me.

The medication blocks the worst of the feelings, but it's having an outlet that allows me to be silly that really completes the treatment. Making people laugh brings a smile to my face. I know that sounds like a cliche, but it's true. My natural inclination when it comes to writing fiction is to write dark and emotional stuff, believe it or not, but my blog has never been that way. I don't know how or why, but my blog became my playground. Maybe my subconscious knew that I needed a place to be silly, and thus the Princess of Procrastination was born. Maybe my Inner Nut came forward and forced her way on to the page, pushing my darker self into the background.

How ever it happened, I'm really glad that it did.

To finish, I just want to say that if you know anyone who suffers from depression, or suffer from it yourself, please, please, please be aware that it does get better. I'm by no means an expert, and I'm not arrogant enough to believe that that my own experience of it is the worst that it can get, but what I do know is that it's not permanent. It might feel like it is, but it isn't. Take whatever help is available, whether that's support from your family and friends, medication, or even making a silly blog page. You don't need to be superhuman to get through depression, you just need to know that you're not alone, and that you don't need to hide. It's not something to be ashamed of, and it's not something that can't be overcome.

Here endeth the serious post.

Saturday, 21 May 2011

B.L.S.


So first I have to apologise because I've been avoiding blogland for the last two weeks. Not for any particular reason, except maybe I was feeling a bit over-blogified after last month's A-Z. I've not read more than a handful of posts in the last fortnight, and I haven't even attempted any blog writing for either of my blogs. Anyway, apologies for the absence... Bad Tara. *smacks wrist*

The 'B.L.S.' of the title is an acronym for 'Bitten Lip Syndrome' - a well known affliction that I'm pretty sure has affected each and every one of us at one point or another (B.L.S. is also rather apt because the letters form part of the word 'bullshit', which is probably one of the most common words I think of when suffering a case of B.L.S.).

*coughs* Anywho...

I'm a nice person. Really. I don't like conflict, I'm invariably polite, and I'd much rather zip my lips than spout a river of abuse. But sometimes I really wish I could be bad.  Not evil exactly, just a little more unconcerned about keeping things nice. Mostly I wish I could say what I really thought from time to time.

e.g.


At the supermarket...

Random shopper: Would you mind if I pushed in? I have a bus to catch.
Me: Oh, go on then, *smiles*

But what I really want to say is : Tough! I've been queueing for ten minutes already and I don't see why you get to be served as soon as you reach the checkout. *pokes out tongue*


At work...

Customer: Excuse me, but do you sell [insert ridiculously stupid product which you can only find on some obscure website]?
Me: No sorry, we don't. Have you tried [insert something as similar to queried product as possible] instead?

What I really want to say is: Yes we do! You'll find them next to the other items that nobody wants, on aisle three. *accompanied with an eyeroll*

Then there's the really persistent idiots who won't take 'no' for an answer. Generally they are sales people, but this isn't exclusive. While they're busy trying to sell you something that you'll probably never need, you keep trying to speak the words 'no thank you', but they won't let you utter more than a 'n'. Usually I end up putting the phone down, or closing my front door - which is rather rude, admittedly - but if I had my way I would string several curse words together and finish my tirade with a fairly loud 'now duck off and leave me alone!'

Unfortunately,  B.L.S. tends to strike me on these occasions (which, in the case of work-related situations, is probably a good thing, granted). Of course, logically I know that this is unacceptable behaviour, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that I could have one day where my lips were free to form whatever words spring to mind. Without any dire consequences, of course. Maybe this mythical day would end with everyone's mind being wiped of the previous twenty four hours, thus ensuring that nobody would remember how obnoxious I was.

Man, that would be nice...



Image borrowed from here.